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Our Garden Gang Presents... |
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So have we made it through the Christmas holidays in one piece? If you haven’t, have I got a treat in store for you! Our special guest this month is world-renowned craftsman and the wisest man I know – "Red Black!" Mirtha |
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Mirtha: Thank you for taking time out from your busy schedule to join us! Red: Er…no problem Mizz Stuwort, but what exactly am I doing here? All my lovely wife Rita said was to be here at your studio at 2 p.m. Mirtha: Well…we would like to benefit from your expertise Mr. Black.
Red: Ah I see…. You want to know how to make your own beer using that old washing machine just rusting away in the yard? Mirtha: Well…no…um… Red: Oh! You must want to construct your own computer out of a pasta maker? Mirtha: Hmmm…now that one does sound promising, but no. Red: Well what then? Make a Hot Tub our of a Pickup Truck
Mirtha: I thought our viewers would like to know…since it’s sooo cold in your area in the winter months…how to make their own hot tub out of a pickup truck! Red: Well ma’am…I would sure like to oblige you with that info but we had a slight problem with that design. Mirtha: Oh dear – what happened? Red: Well two things actually – Spike Decker wanted to watch the Saturday night hockey game and the TV accidentally fell into the hot tub and the result was a power outage over three counties! Mirtha: But what about Mr. Decker? Red: Oh – he’s ok – when you’ve worked for the power company as long as he has, a little shock like that won’t set you back much! He’ll be back up the pole in about six months after the doctors operate on his hand. Mirtha: Well I am afraid to ask – but why? Red: When he was zapped, he just happened to be giving his neighbor a "half a peace sign", if you know what I mean. Um…Mizz Stuwort, how come your face is turning so red?
Mirtha: Never mind! Moving right along Mr. Black – we shall have to find another project to showcase your talents. Red: Well how about your own version of the Times Square New Years Eve ball? Mirtha: Mr. Black? Red: Yes ma’am? Mirtha: Did it work? Red: Um…no…we ran one of those fancy grapevine decorator balls covered with Christmas lights up the flagpole. Everything went fine until I was getting into position for a New Years smooch with Rita (my lovely wife you know). I musta startled her and she let go of the rope too quickly and the ball crashed to the ground below! Mirtha: Dare I ask what happened next? Red: Dare away fair lady – I’m aimin’ to tell you! When the ball crashed to the ground it scared my hound dog Beau so much that he ran and jumped up clear on top of the outhouse! You do know what they are for, don’t you? Mirtha: Yes I think I have heard of those quaint facilities.
Red: Well anyway the roof was weak and before we knew it, old Beau went right through the roof and directly down the opening into the er...excretio below! I guess that will teach me to leave the lid down eh? Mirtha: Oh poor Beau – did he survive? Red: Of course – though he does have a unique scent to him – and it ain’t hound dog! After I fished him out that night I ended up in the doghouse myself! Mirtha: Hmmm…hot tongue – cold shoulder that night Mr. Black? Red: Definitely. Mirtha: Well it seems we’re out of time Mr. Black. Red: Oh shucks! And I was just going to explain how to make your own greenhouse out of old car doors! Mirtha: We’ll have to save that one for a later date Mr. Black. Do you have any final comments for our viewers? Red: I would like to leave your audience with these few words of wisdom: "Aim high and keep yer powder dry!" Mirtha: Er…um…what does that mean exactly? Red: It means you’ll never go hungry if you follow those rules ma’am. Mirtha: Hmm..okay…I guess. My thanks to Mr. Red Black here with his mechanical expertise and his ‘special’ outlook on life! And see you next month!
"Happy New Year to All" |
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